Your kid has a set of values that are anchored a little in how you raised him, a little in society, and a lot in his close social environment, aka his friends.
These values, along with his place (popularity, ability, social status, money) in his greater environment, will dictate how he will act and what he’ll do.
Of all the strings controlling your loved marionette, you don’t have too much pull. So, how does one re-establish the balance? The answer is, as most, more easily said than done.
Aside from ‘waiting this phase’ out and crossing your fingers hoping you ‘taught him well’ and that the best will come of it, you have at least three other things you could fall back on:
1. Cut off his income. If you’re giving him money, you’re condoning his actions.
2. Send him on a trip without his buddies. A month in Europe or South America or Asia. This will have many positive effects, forcing him to rely equally on what he’s learned from home, as what he learns from his close social environment. He’ll have to relearn what society teaches him, since the society in which he’ll be will be different from what he’s used to.
3. After he comes back, sit him down and ask him what lifestyle/standard of living he wants to have. Usually, he’ll be happy with the one you’re offering him at home. As you would speak to an adult, grab a paper and write down how much it cost to have this standard of living. (eg. rent, utilities, food, insurance, phones, clothes, vehicles, etc. etc.) This should show him that he would need at least two full-time jobs to cover these expenses.
Now offer him the deal of a lifetime. Hire him to be a student. “Go back to school, and as long as you pass, you get to continue living at this standard of living”.
If you put it on paper and you both figure out how many hours of actual work he has to do, you’ll both see that, as a student, you just offered your kid one of the best jobs in the world.
